T'was the era. But I digress. It's just that the 80s happened to be during my adolescence when I was trying to "find myself." Those years of pop cheesiness and parachute pants were so captivating! They pulled me in pretty deep when I was most impressionable and I must admit, it took me a while to dig myself out. Definitely nerdy trait number one. (By the way, the picture to the left is from http://yearbookyourself.com/ if you want to do this to your own photo.)But before the 80s is when I distinctly remember hanging out with my nerd friends on the playground in 4th grade. I think I knew even then that they were nerds but hadn't yet made the connection that that meant I was one, too. We were all the straight "A" students. At least we were smart! This time was particularly memorable because this was when my yearning to be like the popular kids first reared its ugly head. I think it first occurred to me that I wasn't one of the "popular kids" when one of the girls in the chosen crowd for some reason was writing her last will & testament and said she would bequeath me her paper. I was torn in wondering if I should feel honored for being included in her precious will or offended by the fact that she associated me with such an innocuous possession as her paper. Anyway, I think she turned out to be a lesbian.
My mom used to dress me. In such atrocities as Keds (NOT in style then) and white knee-hi socks with gauchos (culottes). If you don't know what those are, there's good reason. But the truly sinful ensemble was the fuchsia colored pants paired with a multi-colored, striped collared shirt that I wore to my piano recital when I was 10. What was I thinking? No, what was my MOM thinking? Nerd trait number two. I was so confused.
By far, these are not the only tales of my challenges. I'm not even going to write about the layered hair cut and perm I donned on my first day of high school. I still haven't come to terms with that. However, I will proudly (and gradually) unveil my many more nerdy qualities as I regain familiarity with them. Writing about and confessing to my nerdiness at this point in time is not solely an attempt to banish all my past efforts to hide it. And I've put forth plenty of effort. My realization has come to the forefront because even years of soul searching have not brought me the amount of clarity I've experienced since having my daughter. It's clarity, even simplicity to a certain degree. I feel no need to bury that part of me or be selective as to whom I show it. What a relief! I suppose I'm learning to embrace my inner geek and rediscovering those traits and interests that made me who I am today. Well, I'm not sure Emma knows what she's in for with having a nerd for a mom. Emma, you have nothing to fear...unless I feel the need to bring my inner 80s fashionista back.
1 comment:
I will stand up and also admit that I was/am a nerd/geek. I too had trouble with my early school career. I was not into playing football, wrestling, and threatening fights on the playground, rather I was more interested in drawing and playing with legos. I preferred to sit and draw cars or planes during recess while the other kids got dirty. It wasn't until getting involved and elected to student government that I was forced to come out of my shell and integrate into adolescent society.
Even after breaking out of my shell I still retained some definite nerd tendencies. I still love to draw, play with legos, and now I am computer geek. Fortunetly my Blackberry eliminates the need for a pocket protector!
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